Andy: Have you ever done any sea time Mick?

Michael: Three months in Carnarvon and Geraldton.The windiest place on earth, on average.They are supposed to be the craziest fishermen on earth next to the Iceland Tuna and crab fishermen.

Andy: I just finished twelve years as a fishermen fishing for tonnes and tonnes of a lot of different fish. Tens of tonnes Mick, write that down. Twelve to thirteen tonne over twelve years.
I hook, I bait.

Michael: Well I was living in Melbourne at the time, and a guy called mooka, I only knew him as Dean, invited me over for the fishing season. He said he always invited people but I was the only one who ever came and did it. He would work for three months of the year, make his fifty thousand and party on for the rest of the year.

So the bus is waiting for me at the Melbourne bus terminal, everyone is on while I am under the stairs saying a last goodbye to my girlfriend. I get on and the doors immediately close and we are out of there. My girlfriend had given me a garbage bag full of miniature sized chocolates, you know, mars, bounty, cherry ripe etc. I stood at the front of the bus as we were leaving the Melbourne city centre and handed out chocolates and they were passed back so everyone on the bus got chocolates. As I was the last person to board I didn't have much choice of where to sit and ended up sitting next to a Carnarvon local. Seemed like a decent young chap and we got along well and were good mates by the end of the trip.

The main source of fishing is scallops, they call it white gold, and turns out my mate mooka was the legend shakker. Shakking is the art of slipping your knife into the scallop shell and cracking it open then removing the flesh, in one quick slip of your wrist. I was a greenie so I wasn't much good at it to start with but by the end of the trip I was one of the fastest on the boat, I put that down to my experience as a chef.

So I got a spot as cook on one of the boats. Twelve crew and the skipper, like Jesus and the twelve deciples. I lost 10 kilos the first week. We were doing 18 hour shifts to start with and then having six hour breaks. The crew is broken into the first mate who takes turns skippering with the skipper, and two shifts, each with a deck boss. My deck boss was an ex-SAS soldier who was also the Australian army boxing champion. We also had the Australian Tai Kwon Do champion on our boat, to give you an idea of how hard you have to be to do this job. I promised myself I would never do it again. I lucked out having the SAS dude as my deck boss because he was crazy and very hard on his crew. I had to do my eighteen hours of work on the deck then come in and cook for thirteen men. All of this while I was sea sick, which is closer to having your guts ripped out through your mouth every time the boat slammed up and down. I could hardly walk let alone cook and I would throw the steaks in the pan and tell everyone to cook it themselves.
On a boat your only luxury is food. I was exhausted and malnutrioned by the end of the first week and shortly before the end of the shift I finally collapsed. The crew hated me because I was the worst cook they had ever had. The cook on our sister ship was sacked because she was a kiwi and all she cooked every night was boil up. Much of the time a female cook is not there for her cooking ability but to satisfy the skipper in other ways, but not in this case so she was sacked. When I came to after collapsing they were all saying "Throw him over with a plank of wood." This is in ocean that was never below 35 knots, waves that were always bigger than the boat, and our boat was the smallest in the fleet which meant it was thrown around the most. It was about ten minutes before the end of the eighteen hour shift and I thought stuff it I have had enough and went inside. I was the only person on the whole trip to finish early, a definite no no but they all already hated me so who cares. I laid in my bunk and slammed into the bunk above me again and again, that is how rough it was. After two hours I thought stuff this, I will go out and start early because I know I am not going to sleep anyway. They all talk about "Double Up."
I was the only person on the whole trip to do a double up. That is when you work two shifts back to back. I had a bit of a break but when I went back out, unbeknownst to me, I had interupted what was about to be a fight. The deck boss and the first mate of the other shift were about to trade blows. All went silent when I appeared. When I collapsed it must have been the rest I needed and it had helped me get over my seasickness. I was angry and this made me shakk even faster. The crew was amazed at the change in me and one of the people who were about to have the fight asked me "What are you thinking about?" I said "This is for the time my brother broke my nose. This is for the....etc"
The other guy that was about to fight said "And this is for the man who took my mrs, f***ed my dog stole my house." The crew erupted into laughter and I was on my way to being the best cook anyone on that boat had ever had.

The shifts overlap so that sometimes you would have both shifts on deck and sometimes only one would be working while the other slept. So I had done my 18 hours, rested for two and then worked another four when my shift resumed. There was only one spot where you weren't constantly bombarded with drenching waves crashing over you, 24 hours a day and night. The other shift had let me take that spot as I had gained my recognition by recovering and doing a double up. My deck boss, the SAS dude, always stood there, and kicked me straight out. Even the crew were saying come on, and I said " I only have twelve hours to go anyway."
Sas meathead: "No you don't. You work the full eighteen hours with your crew."
I slammed my bucket on the hopper and scallops flew everywhere.
"F*** the scallops" I said.
I put my head down and started shakking again, faster because I was angry again. SAS dude didn't know about my miraculous newfound ability to shakk but.
"Get off deck" he ordered me.
"No" I said.
"Get off" he repeated.
I said "No, I am faster when I am angry."
The crew of the other shift agreed and told him to pipe down. The skipper came down and reduced the eighteen hour shifts to sixteen. I had survived the first week.

Now when you do the scalloping fishing over in Western Australia, the first time you come back into land after three or four weeks, there is no money for anyone, or most boats anyway. The skipper has to put in his catch and wait for it to be processed and weighed and the check must be cleared. The money isnt available until you are back out at sea. I got a loan and headed to the pub that was supposed to be the best one in town. I only had enough for one jug, first in a month as our boat was a dry boat. No drugs or alcohol.
Behind the bar is my mate off the bus that I sat beside all the way from Melbourne to Perth. His Dad owned the pub. My boat was the only boat that got credit. There was a sax player and the local taxi driver played harmonica. I asked if I could get up and have a play and a sing. They loved me. The next time all the boats came in everyone was loaded with cash. They insisted I play harmonica and I was put up on the bar in front of a sea of fishermen packed into the bar. I played Roy Orbison singing "Come on Baby", bah bah bah bah on harmonica. "I wanna be your candy man." Bah bah bah bah as I strutted along the bar. The crowd was going wild and yelling, or so it seemed. Crack, I walked along the bar into a ceiling fan along the bar which hit me in the head and catapulted me into the crowd and onto a mosh pit of fishermen who floated me back up onto the bar where I continued my performance. When I reached the next ceiling fan I put my hand up to stop it this time. Wouldn't you know it, blood oozed from the slice in my hand, but not a mark where I had been hit by the fan in the head.

A giant sea turtle dropped out of the nets one day into the hopper. It was dead and lifeless. I instantly dropped my knife and jumped into the hopper to rescue it. This is a big no no to the scallop fishermen. The boat could be sinking and you would go down shakking. The SAS dude was not happy.
"f*** the turtle."
I picked up its huge lifeless head and closed its mouth. I played trumped for four hours a day for five years so I have a good breathe on me. I took a deep breath and blew into its nostrils. I took another deep breath and continued until its lungs were full. It is like blowing into a coke bottle, when it is full, you can not fit anymore air in. All the pressure forces the air out and about a half a bucket of water along with it. The whole time I have the crew behind me yelling to throw the turtle over and let it die, keep shakking. I repeated the process and it coughed up another bucket of water. A faint pulse showed on the turtles huge neck but this was not the end of the battle for the turtles life. I had to convince the crew to leave the turtle alone until it regained consciousness. I bargained to have it stay in the hopper until the next net was unloaded. As it was just regaining consciousnes it was thrown over and the next net was brought in. The aboriginals say I will have a long life because I saved the life of an animal that lives for a long time. I hope this is not true. I love what is under the ground more than I love anything above it. I can't wait to die and be with my boy. I don't care if I don't make it to heaven with Luke, I am sure he will spend etrnity with God and Jesus and that is enough for me. I am definitely looking to make changes but so that I can spend eternity in heaven with my son.

So one partcularly rough day, the crew were a little anxious about how bad the weather had become. I woke up during my nap and looked out onto the deck and it was empty. I got out of bed and went into the galley where the other shift were all sitting and said "So you have all finally come to your senses and come in because it's too rough."
They all laughed at me and said "Smoko."
When we were all out on deck working again, one of the few times the whole thirteen crew were all on at once, they were worried and talking about mother nature. I said "I don't believe in mother nature, I believe in God."
Well this was sacrelige to some of the crew. Don't ever talk about mother nature like that. The SAS dude looked up at the sky and started blaspheming, lewd gestures and the worst things I have ever heard anyone say about God. We had been out at see and hadn't seen land for 3 weeks. As he was standing in his spot in front of all the crew a crow flew down and landed a foot above his head on the mast. As the crow landed he collapsed, never to walk again on that boat. I helped carry him inside as his back had given out and he was in immense pain and couldn't walk. The crew became extremely supersticious and wanted to kill the crow. I said "Kill God's messenger and see what happens." The crow stayed on the boat for a week until the SAS dude had a support boat come out and take him back to shore. This cost him a lot of money. During the week the crow was on board I went into the toilet and here was the crow. I picked it up, it let me and I walked out and showed everyone. "Kill the crow, kill the crow", they all chanted. This is a true story about my fishing trip in Western Australia.